It never fails; in every social gathering in which I’m introduced to new people and I’m asked what I do, I then get pulled aside (sometimes more than once!) by a person who is “asking for a friend” how to find a therapist. And I give them the same spiel I’m going to write here….
That’s not intended as hyperbole, nor is it flippant. I can always tell a survivor who is either still in or has recently exited an abusive relationship, as she/they appear drained of life, alternating with a distinctive, hypervigilant look, like a frightened rabbit. When I treat clients who are still in these relationships, they universally…
Until recently when I heard narcissism expert Dr. Ramani Durvasula talk about she doesn’t like the concept of forgiveness in her podcast Sexual Disorientation, nearly everywhere else you turned there was a pernicious cultural dialogue that pushed forgiveness as the only way to heal. “The pressure to forgive comes from all kinds of sources: friends,…
So a friend comes to you for advice. She/he/they reveals that they’ve been experiencing verbal put-downs, manipulation, and controlling behavior from their significant other. What do you say in response in order to help your friend and not make the situation worse? There has been a pervasive, and I believe, damaging cultural narrative that advises…
When I was in grad school, I met a woman about my age who was wrestling with childhood abuse she’d never dealt with before. Clinical psychology programs have a way of doing that–teasing out whatever unhealed wounds are still hiding from the light. One day in a class discussion about abuse, someone began loudly proclaiming…
Abuse Isn't Love 