Dirty John: A Cautionary Tale

What started out as a true as a true story reported out by LA Times journalist Christopher Goffard turned into a podcast, a Bravo miniseries, and a cultural phenomenon. For those not in the know: TRIGGER WARNING. Dirty John is the real-life story of how Debra Newell and her daughters Terra and Jacquelyn heroically survived…

(Un)comfortably Numb

“I feel dead inside,” I told a friend of mine, a fellow survivor, when she came to visit me post-abuse. “Please tell me this feeling will end.” “It will end,” she promised. I’m going to make the same promise to you. It will end. You just have to ride it out for a while. For…

The Different Forms of Financial Abu$e

If you summon up a connotation to the term “financial abuse,” chances are you’ll think of someone being deprived by and dependent upon a paternalistic other. It could be a parent, it could be a partner, but this is the person who holds the purse strings, and they make sure you know it. I’ve known…

Why You Were Chosen

Contrary to the fears survivors have of being chosen for being weak, or unlovable–after all, abuse wears down anyone’s self-esteem after a while–abusers choose you for one reason and one reason only: You had something they wanted. They don’t want to work very hard for things they want, so they do the next best thing:…

What is Coercive Control?

If you are anything like me, it might have taken you years to figure out you were in an abusive relationship because it didn’t involve physical violence. That is the most overt form of abuse, but even physical violence is part of a pattern of coercive control and typically not an isolated incident. As it…

Not Your Shame

When I began talking to my friends and fellow survivors about starting this website, I asked them what they thought what was most important for womxn to hear about abuse. And over and over they said: “Shame. Talk about shame.” It’s one of the reasons I find the whole “victim mentality” crap to be so…