As a fellow survivor, I felt the need to give back to this community in a way that was wider-reaching than my psychotherapy practice could be, as well as free of charge. Healing from abuse is a hard road to navigate, is very isolating, especially at the beginning, and is rife with confusing, misleading, even harmful information. Some out there wish you well and are trying to help, and others are trying to make a buck off your pain, promising you healing without much accountability or training. Sorry, but that’s the truth.
Very recently, a fellow survivor remarked that I “should put up something online” to reach other survivors, combining my professional knowledge with lived experience. According to her observation, many therapists come across as remote and inaccessible. While some of this is our training (personal disclosures are a source of endless debate in our profession, and are approved of, and rightly so, only if they are in service of our clients’ healing), some of it is, I believe, based on shame and fear. And if we want to be a truly healing presence for our clients, I believe we have to be willing to take a deep dive into our personal terrain.
Abuse Isn’t Love is intended to be a road map, of sorts. The Recommended Reading tab will help you navigate the endless array of books and other media out there on this subject, and I’ve curated them so you can get something in your hands asap that will help you, not waste your time and precious energy you need for you. The blog itself is a collection of my professional and personal observations that were things I needed to hear when I was actively recovering, as well as insights from my clients, colleagues, and professionals in the field I respect. Please feel free to also send me questions on blog posts you’d like to see. I will feature some guest writers and fellow survivors from time to time. Ultimately, this is a page devoted to advocating for abuse survivors, and gently guiding them into healthier and happier directions in their lives. As they say in 12-step, take what you need, and leave the rest.
Disclaimer: This site is intended for educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for medical, psychological, or psychiatric care. If you are suffering from psychiatric conditions, such as depression, anxiety, acute stress, or PTSD, please seek help from a local provider (see post “How to find a therapist”).
When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.Audre Lorde
Who looks outside, dreams; who looks within, awakes.Carl Jung
As soon as healing takes place, go out and heal somebody else.Maya Angelou